Preventing Separation Anxiety: Letting Your Dog Learn to Be Without You

MZ Rock Star Willow Nightingale

August 19,206- jme Thomas, Executive Director, Motley Zoo

Separation anxiety is one of the trickiest things to manage, so it is best if you can try to ensure it doesn't start in the first place.

One problem people have when bringing home a new dog- one that doesn't already have a separation anxiety problem- is thinking that being there with them 24/7 is healthy or reasonable. It is surely an exciting time, but in rescue, we very much recommend against changing your schedule or taking time off when bringing home a dog.

If you do take time off or spend every minute with them, this is the pattern they believe will continue. You know it's temporary and that you have to go back to work or "get on with real life," but they don't. You've essentially trained them to expect you there, always.

It is far better to set up realistic expectations and boundaries from the minute they arrive.

Go to work. Go out with friends. Do the things you normally do. This includes actually letting dogs decompress in crates or by themselves, rather than petting and playing with them constantly as soon as they get home. Giving them time to explore a bit, rest, and get used to the new smells and sounds is much more reasonable.

A good way to relate to this experience in human terms is flying to a foreign country where the time change is significant. You will likely have jet lag. While some people may like to hit the ground and go, go, go, most people are in need of some downtime and rest before sightseeing and socialization. If you were suddenly expected to interact, engage, and entertain people, especially, you would probably be absolutely overloaded- maybe even grumpy. Such is true for dogs. Let them get over their life-changing "jet lag" before you demand their attention. Just give them a bit of space.

If you are changing your entire life around to bring home a dog, you are likely to become stressed and overwhelmed and will not be able to keep up the commitment. You also run the very real risk of instilling separation anxiety rather than avoiding it.

Learning to Be Without You

One great way to stave off or help work on separation anxiety is to have your dog attend daycare. Too many times, people see this as babysitting, but it should really be seen as dog school and a social life.

Helping your dog become confident without you is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. This is a step you cannot accomplish yourself when you are always around, so it is important that you specifically make time to be away from your dog.

Giving them time with other people and dogs is an even greater gift, allowing them to become well socialized and independent.

For example, keeping your kids home from school simply because you wanted to be there all the time and make sure they were never alone would be pretty unrealistic and unfair. Kids deserve to experience life, new people, and even some challenges they must learn to resolve on their own so they can become resilient enough to truly thrive.

It often makes so much sense in terms of children, but when it comes to dogs, people tend to baby them too much. While we never encourage- and don't intend- anthropomorphizing dogs, much of good dog parenting is pretty similar to healthy child rearing.

While meant in the most loving and doting way, people are too often feeding their own needs at the expense of the dogs'. It is important to ask yourself whether it is reasonable or healthy to do X, Y, or Z with your dog.

You will have to go to the grocery store at some point. You may want- or need- to leave town. Preparing your dog for these instances is far better than smothering them with your presence at all times.

It is simply not realistic, and it will almost always lead to frustration. Many times, it can even lead to the desire to rehome the dog.

Separation Anxiety Makes Rehoming Harder

Rehoming a dog with separation anxiety is significantly challenging because the legendary "retired person" is more likely to be visiting family, traveling, and busier than ever- rather than sitting at home all the time.

Even people who work from home cannot necessarily manage a dog that cannot be alone.

The goal should not be to create a dog who needs you every minute of every day. The goal is to create a dog who is confident enough to enjoy life with you- and without you.

If Your Dog Already Has Separation Anxiety

Do what you can to build confidence, resilience, and independence so you can avoid separation anxiety altogether.

If you have a dog who is already experiencing it, we do suggest seeking professional help so you are able to cut the apron strings in a healthy, undamaging, way.

You cannot just put a dog with separation anxiety in a crate and expect this to be beneficial or healthy. You can, however, slowly work toward improvement with a thoughtful, calculated strategy from people with professional experience.

The goal isn't to love your dog less. It's to give them the confidence to be okay when you're not there...which is pretty great gift!